123.

I’m a third of the way into this year-long project. Yesterday I forgot to write. Actually, I forgot until I was in bed at the end of the day, and when I remembered it didn’t feel important enough, in that moment on that day, to sit up and do it. But that being the case, today seems like a reasonable time for a little self-reflection about why I’m doing it and what I’ve gotten out of it so far.

I’ve been pretty consistent about doing this, with a couple of slips here and there. On several days, I have frankly and without apology phoned in my effort. That wasn’t my intention when I started – when is it ever the intention to half-ass something? – but there are days when it seems more important just to do the sentence, whatever it is, and get it done. I started this project to get myself back in the habit of blogging regularly, and I hoped that it would also lead me into some new paths with writing.

123 (minus a few slips) entries later, I have several things I’m really proud of, and a couple of things that I think have potential and could be reworked into something I’m proud of. I have a few self-reflective entries that were important for me. On a couple of days, I’ve written single sentences that I love. There’s also quite a lot of dross. Most of the time, I’m painfully aware that I’m not giving the right kind of attention and risk and time to this to get what I want out of it. Basically, that’s time. I prioritize other things over this, and I don’t do it at any consistent time of day, and I seldom push myself with it.

There’s a temptation here to make a commitment to give more time to this project for the remainder of the year, but here’s the thing: I won’t do it. A lot of the time, I’m barely clinging to doing this. I want more out of it, but the bottom levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of need are occupying the bulk of my resources at the moment. So I’m hanging onto the hope that the compulsion to not fail at this simple one sentence goal will eventually turn into a habit which will eventually start to yield some deeper work. Two-thirds of a year to go. If I can make this a habit that I don’t struggle against by the end of my 365 days, I’ll be pleased and count it progress.

See you tomorrow.

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